big thread - impossible to put down all thoughts. So imo just a couple of points.
In my experience - forgiveness IS a big thing for victims of crime or victims of trauma (eg. a relative or friend left after a suicide).
Many types of actions result in incredible pain for those left - be it physically violent acts that don't result in death, murder, suicide - you name it the list is long.
I don't think that one has to reconcile with the perpetrators personally - by that I mean that they don't have to be in contact with them, they don't have to get an apology, nor do they have to have a huggie feelie session -------------
But - that doesn't mean that forgiveness cannot be achieved.
I have seen many people who are bitter and twisted after trauma - and they stay that way generally until they have some understanding of what the perpetrator was or was like - what might have made them and what might have made them do the crime.
In my experience - forgiveness is the real key if it can be achieved --------- you don't have to like the person, you don't have to love the person, but it is incredibly powerful stuff to understand where they came from -------- why? Because once you get some sort of understanding it is possible - even if not probable to get a grip on what makes these people tick.
One of the biggest problems for people is to forgive themselves - say for instance in sexual assault - a lot of young people are completely traumatised by it - but many partially blame themselves - and then go on to lead a life where they think they are not good enough for anything at all - downhill all the way - they feel things like 'not good enough to be respected', 'not good enough to resist', you name it - it goes on and on - but the end result is the same - a dismal painful life.
imo, only when, if they can come to a position of forgiveness of themselves AND the perpetrator - AND whoever was supposed to protect them (eg. mother or father etc.) - can they in fact move on. Almost every case I have seen where someone was abused by say a father - the end result was that sooner or later they hated their mother - why? because in their minds, mum should have protected them. So they end up hating both.
I have NEVER - not once EVER seen anyone who lead a happy healthy life after gaining revenge without gaining some sort of reconciliation that involved understanding and or forgiveness.
So for me there are a couple of issues here - one is capital punishment - I have written my thoughts on that - but also there are what actions take place that are for the benefit of the one's left in pain --------- these are separate issues - even if family and friends think that they will gain satisfaction from killing the criminals - believe me, it doesn't happen that way. They may get some satisfaction - but peace doesn't come just from that - it requires a lot more.
Anyway - I hope each and every one of you have a great night - and a safe and happy night.
