As the Christchurch shootings unfolded, I knew I had to quit my job at Sky News
Updated
In the aftermath of the Christchurch terror attack, my social media feeds have filled with people expressing their shock and disbelief that something like this could happen in our part of the world.
But like Waleed Aly, I wasn't shocked and couldn't understand why anyone else would be either.
This is because for the past three years, I've worked at Sky News. More specifically, Sky News "after dark" — when the rolling coverage of the day's news makes way for conservative commentators to share the "opinions you can't ignore".
As a young Muslim woman, I had many crises of conscience working here, but the events of Friday snapped me out of the endless cycle of justifying my job to myself. On Saturday, I finally sent in my letter of resignation.
I was a liaison for the channel based in their Canberra studio, a junior role helping with studio guests and the running of the office as a casual a few times a week.
When I started, I did not know what I was getting myself into. I was 19, and though I'd heard about Sky News, I had never watched it before. I was excited that I would get to work in Parliament House, and there could be a full-time job when I graduated. I didn't do as much research as I should have.
I realised pretty quickly though that the Sky News I worked on wasn't focused on reporting facts and informing the public. Rather, conservative media commentators came together with current and former right-wing politicians, disseminating misinformation which bordered on conspiracies.
I stood by as the fear and hate grew
I compromised my values and beliefs to stand idly by as I watched commentators and pundits instil more and more fear into their viewers.
I stood on the other side of the studio doors while they slammed every minority group in the country — mine included — increasing polarisation and paranoia among their viewers.
I'd walk commentators to the studio where after some very polite chit chat — "how are you?", "how's uni going?"— they'd go on air and talk about my community.
I was there when Cory Bernardi advocated for banning the burqa, and when he called on the government to remove "offend" and "insult" from 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act under the guise of free speech.
I was there when Pauline Hanson proudly talked about how she would, the following day, put forward the "It's OK to Be White" motion to counter the rise of so-called anti-white racism.
I watched as Bronwyn Bishop, following the "terror raids" in Sydney, insisting that "war" had been declared against western culture.
I answered calls from viewers who yelled about immigrants and Muslims ruining Australia. They did not realise that the person on the other end of the phone was both of those things.
And in the aftermath of Friday's terror attack, Sky's coverage was among Australian media outlets who played parts of the gunman's live stream.
This is not a journalist's job
Some nights I felt physically sick, others I even shed tears in my car on the way home.
Still, I continued to compromise my values. Not only my values as a member of a religious group who was continuously being blamed and alienated by the rhetoric on these shows, but also as an aspiring journalist.
I know other emerging and aspiring journalists who continue to compromise their values just for a foot in the door in the hyper-competitive media industry.
This weekend, though, I realised that where we get our start matters too. Over the past few years, I was playing a role — no matter how small — in a network whose tone I knew would help legitimise radical views present in the fringes of our society.
Now, I am done being a part of something I do not stand for, and I urge other young journalists to do the same.
