Cuppa, I regret to say that my industrial fans have been...

Cuppa,

I regret to say that my industrial fans have been gathering dust for quite sometime. They are kept downstairs next to my sub-basement which I have transformed into a Scrooge-like money bin. You may recall that I would frequently dive into the soft sea of crisp bills and fresh powder, however supplies have been running a little short as of late. Recently, I stupidly substituted the notes for coins - what a mistake. Try ploughing yourself head-first into a hard pile of rounded metal, then you'll begin to understand my troubles. My body is aching worse than my monthly S&M session with Lina and Tina. Speaking of which, I should book them both in for a novelty appearance at this year's Groote Christmas party - consider it my gift to the hard-working gents at the office.

On a side note, I must tell you all that I thoroughly enjoyed the Kalgoorlie Cup on the weekend, as I do every year. As always, I put three bookies out of business, was ejected from the member's stand for throwing a magnum of Moet through the glass window, and was arrested on-course for indecent exposure. Thankfully the two lovely female officers were merely performing their obligatory duties in front of the raucous crowd, and were indeed quietly impressed with both the size of my wallet and member alike. Needless to say all three of us hit it off in the back of the wagon. I soon discovered that there were two other ways the baton can be used. Lucky for them, unlucky for me.

But back to the stock at hand folks - perhaps TheFridge and GibbRiver can throw us an estimate of when we're likely to see my fans hit top speed?