I agree with everything you say. There’s a lot of soul searching...

I agree with everything you say. There’s a lot of soul searching that goes on and without a doubt we get in and stay in because of ourself. Of course it’s never just one persons fault or whatever you want to label it. There’s a dance that goes on and steps to that dance. How the dance starts and how it ends is the mystery of it.

But personally I don’t think it is exactly normal to use violence to control someone and to lash out when you don’t get what you want or whatever it was that triggered it (and usually when I was crying because of the ear bashing ). Violence and threats utterly change the dynamic of a relationship.

for the most part this ugliness is put aside but from time to time it bites. There is an identifiable trigger and I know what it is
but I think we each find our own way out of it in our own time. I try to be kind to myself and kind to others and if I slip on the self part I know it’s just part of moving forward.