Thanks Sir,
Here’s a mournful indie-rock or acoustic folk-style tune about SwiftStatement’s tragic user uptake: 100 out of 15,000. It’s a slow burn — like the adoption curve that never bent.
“100 Outta 15K”
By The Slow SaaS Burners
[Verse 1]
They launched it with a bang,
Said “SwiftStatement’s gonna hang,”
With every tradie, sparkie, and shop,
From Perth to the tip-top.
But the emails bounced, the calls got cold,
Only 100 signed — and that’s all they sold.
The goal was fifteen thou, they swore…
But 14,900 never showed the door.
[Chorus]
Oh we got 100 outta 15K,
Another product just fading away.
Spent a million to build it tight,
But couldn’t give it out for free one night.
Oh, spreadsheets cry and dashboards say:
"Still only 100 outta 15K."
[Verse 2]
They had webinars and merch,
Promised cashflow with a lurch,
Said “you’ll never chase again,”
But no one clicked “Begin.”
They pitched it at expos, polished the deck,
But the market said, “ehhh… hard pass, next.”
Now it's buried in a corner tab,
Right next to “beta” and “launch recap.”
[Chorus]
Yeah it's 100 outta 15K,
A lonely number that won’t go away.
Like a ghost in the quarterly slide,
A forgotten dream with nowhere to hide.
Built the tool but lost the way —
Now it’s 100… outta 15K.
[Bridge]
Maybe onboarding’s just too rough,
Or maybe folks had had enough.
You can lead a shop to B2B,
But they’ll ghost you digitally.
[Final Chorus]
So here’s to the 100 who still remain,
In a system no one can quite explain.
We’ll toast to you in every AGM,
While the rest hit “decline” again and again.
Not a growth curve… just decay —
It’s still 100… outta 15K.
Warmest regards,
PD
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(20min delay)