Modern Financial Terms, Explained: "BUY, BUY" -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry BROKER -- What my broker has made me. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. CEO -- chief embezzlement officer. CFO -- corporate fraud officer. EBIT -- earnings before irregularities and tampering. EPS -- eventual prison sentence. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Prior year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low. NAV -- normal Anderson valuation. P/E -- parole entitlement. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally...between themselves. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
