New Stock Market Terms CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO --...

New Stock Market Terms



CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.



CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.



Bull Market -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.



Bear Market -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery.



Value Investing -- The art of buying low and then selling lower.



P/E Ratio -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.



Broker -- What my broker has made me.



Standard & Poor -- Your life in a nutshell.



Stock Analyst -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.



Stock Split -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.



Financial Planner -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.



Market Correction -- The day after you buy stocks.



Cash Flow -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.



YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.



WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.



Institutional Investor -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.



Profit -- An archaic word no longer in use.