Read through today's post, I felt the mood needed to be lightened.
This is for comic relief ONLY. Not any form of personal attack. That said:
newbieguy: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
Dankia: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
newbieguy: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
Dankia: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
newbieguy: Well, what is the cost?
Dankia: Well, It's one Dollar for a five minute argument, but only eight Dollars for a course of ten.
newbieguy: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
Dankia: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.(Pause)
Dankia: 1 for 1's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ahh yes, Try pier 1; room 12.
newbieguy: Thank you.(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)
pier 1: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
newbieguy: Well, I was told outside that...
pier 1: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
newbieguy: What?pier 1: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, malodorous, pervert!!! newbieguy: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
pier 1: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
newbieguy: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
pier 1: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
newbieguy: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
pier 1: Not at all.
newbieguy: Thank You. (Under his breath) Stupid git!!(Walk down the corridor)
newbieguy: (Knock)WoodySpoon: Come in.
newbieguy: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
WoodySpoon: I told you once.
newbieguy: No you haven't.
WoodySpoon: Yes I have.
newbieguy: When?
WoodySpoon: Just now.
newbieguy: No you didn't.
WoodySpoon: Yes I did.
newbieguy: You didn't
WoodySpoon: I did!
newbieguy: You didn't!
WoodySpoon: I'm telling you I did!
newbieguy: You did not!!
WoodySpoon: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
newbieguy: Oh, just the five minutes.
WoodySpoon: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
newbieguy: You most certainly did not.
WoodySpoon: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
newbieguy: No you did not.
WoodySpoon: Yes I did.
newbieguy: No you didn't.
WoodySpoon: Yes I did.
newbieguy: No you didn't.
WoodySpoon: Yes I did.
newbieguy: No you didn't.
WoodySpoon: Yes I did.
newbieguy: You didn't.
WoodySpoon: Did.
newbieguy: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
WoodySpoon: Yes it is.
newbieguy: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
WoodySpoon: No it isn't.
newbieguy: It is!
WoodySpoon: It is not.
newbieguy: Look, you just contradicted me.
WoodySpoon: I did not.
newbieguy: Oh you did!!
WoodySpoon: No, no, no.
newbieguy: You did just then.
WoodySpoon: Nonsense!
newbieguy: Oh, this is futile!
WoodySpoon: No it isn't.
newbieguy: I came here for a good argument.
WoodySpoon: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
newbieguy: An argument isn't just contradiction.
WoodySpoon: It can be.
newbieguy: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
WoodySpoon: No it isn't.
newbieguy: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
WoodySpoon: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
newbieguy: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
WoodySpoon: Yes it is!
newbieguy: No it isn't!
newbieguy: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.(short pause)
WoodySpoon: No it isn't.
newbieguy: It is.
WoodySpoon: Not at all.
newbieguy: Now look.
WoodySpoon: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
newbieguy: What?
WoodySpoon: That's it. Good morning.
newbieguy: I was just getting interested.
WoodySpoon: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
newbieguy: That was never five minutes!
WoodySpoon: I'm afraid it was.
newbieguy: It wasn't.(Pause)
WoodySpoon: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
newbieguy: What?!
WoodySpoon: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
newbieguy: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
WoodySpoon: (Hums)
newbieguy: Look, this is ridiculous.
WoodySpoon: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
newbieguy: Oh, all right.(pays money)
WoodySpoon: Thank you. (short pause)
newbieguy: Well?
WoodySpoon: Well what?
newbieguy: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
WoodySpoon: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
newbieguy: I just paid!
WoodySpoon: No you didn't.
newbieguy: I DID!
WoodySpoon: No you didn't.
newbieguy: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
WoodySpoon: Well, you didn't pay.
newbieguy: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
WoodySpoon: No you haven't.
newbieguy: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
WoodySpoon: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
newbieguy: Oh I've had enough of this.
WoodySpoon: No you haven't.
newbieguy: Oh Shut up.(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)
newbieguy: I want to complain.
sirhsv: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
newbieguy: No, I want to complain about...
sirhsv: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
newbieguy: Oh!
sirhsv: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)
newbieguy: Hello, I want to... Ooooh!
Boy1: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
newbieguy: uuuwwhh!!Boy1: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
newbieguy: No.
Boy1: Now..
newbieguy: Waaaaah!!!
Boy1: Good, Good! That's it.
newbieguy: Stop hitting me!!
Boy1: What?
newbieguy: Stop hitting me!!
Boy1: Stop hitting you?
newbieguy: Yes!
Boy1: Why did you come in here then?
newbieguy: I wanted to complain.
Boy1: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
newbieguy: What a stupid concept. Where's Finn when you need him?
I'll leave it at that.......
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