My Scottish neighbour walked past my place yesterday, I yelled out to him:
"Hey Jimmy, you've lost a shoe."
He replied - "Naw, I found one."
I said - "Where you goin' mate?"
He replied - "Home to jack off me dog. Gotta feed me wee cat. And then after, if you wanna come round for a cuppa, I'll be stripping me wallpaper."
"Really, are you redecorating?"
"Naw, moving house."
