Deep dive into climate change hysteriaTHE MOCKERFollow...

  1. 26,340 Posts.
    lightbulb Created with Sketch. 21

    Deep dive into climate change hysteriathe_mocker.png

    Jacinda Ardern, left, Prince Harry and Meghan, right, and a slew of private jet owners have all dived into the climate change debate. Pictures: AAP/AP/Getty/iStockJacinda Ardern, left, Prince Harry and Meghan, right, and a slew of private jet owners have all dived into the climate change debate. Pictures: AAP/AP/Getty/iStock

    I have never been to Stockholm, Sweden, but I expect to travel there next year to collect my Nobel Prize, assuming of course someone nominates me. I have discovered a scientifically plausible explanation for climate change hysteria and possibly the means to cure it. Not bad for someone who could only manage a "D"’ for science in his HSC, that grading not being an abbreviation for ‘distinction’.

    My Eureka moment came when I was rummaging through the garage recently and came across my old scuba diving gear, long unused. It prompted me to think of a deep diving course I underwent years ago during which we learned about a condition known as nitrogen narcosis. Caused by pressure, it affects the nervous system and is generally regarded as a risk factor for divers breathing compressed air at 30 metres or deeper. Those afflicted with it can experience severe anxiety, hallucinations, and have even been known to offer their breathing regulators to passing fish.

    Oxygen thieves leave carbon footprints

    Anyway, it got me thinking about places where climate hysteria is most apparent, such as inner-city councils, ABC studios, and the grand-daddy of them all, the United Nations.

    Now here is the link. The pressure in this rarefied atmosphere, like that underwater, is intense. This is exacerbated by the disproportionate number of oxygen thieves in the room, each trying to outdo the other.

    Consequently, people at those forums become irrational, paranoid and prone to hysteria. Convinced that a climate apocalypse approaches, they believe only they can save humanity, thus developing messianic traits. Ironically, however, they publicly shame others for minor emission transgressions while they themselves leave a carbon footprint at least 30 metres deep. QED.

    It is a phenomenon extending through all levels of hierarchy, whether it be dictators, prime ministers or tinpot popinjays. Speaking of the latter, the mung beans of Melbourne’s Moreland City Council announced last week a “Meat-free Monday” in the name of combating climate change.

    Henceforth, its caterers will serve only vegetarian dishes at events and meetings falling on that day. One meat producer, managing director Steven Castle of Koallah Farm, responded by offering discounts and free delivery to Moreland’s 45,271 constituents. As they say, not all heroes wear capes.

    Not to be outdone the ACT Legislative Assembly — another grandstanding town council — yesterday considered a proposal by Greens MLA Caroline Le Couteur to force school canteens to provide vegan options.

    Additionally, she wants hospital default meals to be plant-based. “It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by climate change,” she stated. “A simple adjustment in diet … can help in our collective efforts to deal with the unfolding climate emergency.”

    Now hospitals are miserable places at the best of times, yet at least one can take comfort — if only in private hospitals — in devouring a tolerable meal after fasting.

    Imagine, however, waking up ravenous after an operation only to be presented with a curried tofu salad drizzled with green pea puree. For the love of God, even a condemned man is allowed a decent meal.

    As for histrionics of the international front, numerous celebrities, including model Naomi Campbell, actor Leonardo Di Caprio, and singer Katy Perry descended on a luxury island resort in Sicily, Italy for Google’s “The Camp” conference.

    Reportedly over 110 private jets, as well as mega-yachts, were used to ferry attendees to the conference, which had a “climate-change” theme.

    Right royal dills

    In total they left an 800-ton carbon footprint. You would expect this hypocrisy from celebrities, but unfortunately Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, both sullied the Windsor name and conferred unwarranted legitimacy on these peacocks by giving an impassioned speech about climate change, declaring it to be a “humanitarian” issue. Even more embarrassingly, he did this barefoot.

    I had desperately hoped there was an ulterior motive to this cringeworthy stunt and that this was Harry’s excuse to show that he, contrary to rumour, did not have webbed toes, thus silencing critics and their cruel jibes about a shallow royal gene pool. But I resigned myself to the fact this brave army veteran who has done two tours in Afghanistan has, so to speak, surrendered his Crown Jewels to the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle.

    This week they were both made to look like right royal dills when it was revealed the duke and duchess of sustainability had passed up commercial flights and taken four private jet journeys in 11 days, including a trip to Nice, France, to stay at Sir Elton John’s home. A petulant John responded: “To support Prince Harry’s commitment to the environment, we ensured their flight was carbon neutral, by making the appropriate contribution to Carbon Footprint™.” No, it doesn’t work like that, Rocket Man (All together now, “And all this science, I don’t understand”).

    As one wag on Twitter observed, that is like donating to the RSPCA for the purpose of kicking a dog.

    And then there’s Tuvalu

    All of this, however, was topped by the handwringing at last week’s Pacific Island Forum in Tuvalu. For those unfamiliar with this, it is a get-together of Oceania’s smallest nations and biggest freeloaders, with the exception of Australia’s arts community and the Northern Territory government. Judging from their castigating of prime minister Scott Morrison over Australia’s climate change policies, you would think we were the world’s biggest carbon dioxide emitter, rather than contributing the insignificant 1.3 per cent of global emissions.

    Among their demands was that Australia end coal mining. That would present absolutely no problem for this country, aside from leaving a $67 billion hole in our exports, which would make it impossible to sustain the $1.4 billion in aid we give annually to Pacific nations. To add to the perception of Australian bastardry was the indignant prime minister of Tuvalu, Enele Sopoaga. “The leader of Tonga actually shed tears in front of the leaders, because of the passion referring to the presentation from the two young warriors of climate change the other day,” he said, in reference to the Tongan prime minister, Samuela ‘Akilisi’ Pohiva. Well, if I were him I too would burst into tears.

    Tonga owes about US$108 million to China’s Export-Import Bank, which equates to around 25 per cent of its gross domestic product.

    Never one to miss an opportunity for grandstanding, New Zealand prime minister Jacinda Ardern pronounced that “Australia has to answer to the Pacific.” Former foreign minister Alexander Downer rightly observed via Twitter she was virtue signalling at Australia’s expense. The Fijian prime minister, Frank Bainimarama, ever looking for an opportunity to wedge Australia, gleefully tweeted “it’s good to have an ally like New Zealand in your corner”.

    International pile-on

    A serious question for Ms Ardern: are you aware of how Bainimarama first came to power? Hint, it wasn’t by running on a climate change ticket. Yesterday, China’s foreign ministry capitalised on the rift, a po-faced spokesman accusing Australia of acting like a “condescending master” towards Pacific Island countries. As an observer at last week’s forum it played to the victim mentality of member nations by saying it recognised their “legitimate demands” to address climate change. Notably, Chinese representatives were not pressed about how their country planned to reduce its 30 per cent of global emissions, a fact explained by New Zealand foreign minister Winston Peters’ observation that many Pacific nations are seeking loans from China.

    An international pile-on such as this demands bipartisanship in response, especially given the regional strategic implications. Labor, however, resorted to cheap politicking. A myopic acting Opposition Leader Richard Marles told ABC this week this was a government “stuff-up”, saying “You don’t get to start in the Pacific unless you have a credible view in respect of climate change.” Presumably he was unaware his shadow foreign minister, Penny Wong, had conceded on ABC’s Insiders the day before that Labor would not have agreed to the Pacific leaders’ demands that Australia shut down its coal industry.

    So how do we go about treating this climate hysteria? Easy, my theory is the same way deep sea commercial divers avoid nitrogen narcosis. Instead of breathing normal air in a pressurised environment, those prone to climate histrionics would be made to inhale Trimix, a combination of oxygen, helium and nitrogen. One side effect though: after doing so they will talk like Donald Duck, although nowhere near as ridiculous as the likes of Labor frontbencher Tony Burke currently sound. Last week he insisted Pacific islanders “are literally watching the ocean creep up towards their homes”.

    I will let you know how my experiments turn out. Oh and just one more thing: nominations for the Nobel Prize close midnight January 31.

    the_mocker.png
    The Mocker amuses himself by calling out poseurs, sneering social commentators, and po-faced officials. He is deeply suspicious of those who seek increased regulation of speech and behaviour. Believing that jou... Read more
    https://www.theaustralian.com.au/commentary/deep-dive-into-climate-change-hysteria/news-story/b07e760868d1ed172b2e5ae129b55e8f?utm_source=The%20Australian&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=editorial&utm_content=TodaySHeadlines
 
arrow-down-2 Created with Sketch. arrow-down-2 Created with Sketch.