The Jewish Mother’s Solution Ellen W. Horowitz 29 May 2003
My last article, “Desperately Seeking A Solution”, may not have been practical enough for some of you. One of the challenges facing those of us deeply committed to the Land of Israel is as follows: How do we bare our souls and reach the widest possible audience without coming off like religious fanatics?
So, I’m going to take another stab at this. This solution is equally valid, as it comes from the same heart, but it will hopefully appeal to those of you who prefer a more grounded approach. I have examined this issue from both the top and bottom of my heart. I have no other solutions. I also have no Jewish guilt complex over this, because over the last twelve years, I have tried virtually every means of creative protest and prayer that there is - and I’ll continue to try. This Jewish mother is going to tell it like it is and I can’t get much more earthy than this over the World Wide Web. So, via the Internet, I am going to have a heart to heart and attempt to engage in virtual direct negotiations with the palestinians, diplomatic leaders, the political Left, all Jewish mothers and anybody who is willing to listen. The beauty of this is that I don’t have to shake anybody’s hand....
To the palestinians....
Oy! You don’t like your occupation? This is music to a Jewish mother’s ears. I have a theory that you people are feeling oppressed, frustrated and depressed due to your occupation. I mean, let’s face it, anyone who spends his time obsessively occupied day in and day out with plotting new ways to maim, dismember and murder innocents had better switch occupations. Really, it could drive a person to suicide. It’s time for a change. At the very least, reduce your work hours. Moving locations can definitely help. Perhaps a new environment or a climatic change. I’ve been hoping all these years that you would turn your energies towards something productive and creative. Now’s your chance to find yourself. Just don’t do it here. If you need a little help and support, go ask your Arab brothers. They’ve got 22 countries and great occupations. They’re drowning in oil - go save them.
What do you mean you don’t like the abuse and humiliation? Do you think I treat my own kids differently. I got news for you... If one of my kids picks up a stone and throws it at someone, the kid gets spanked, but good. Good thing I don’t live in England, as Tony Blair could have me arrested for abuse. By the way, if my kid hurts another kid, I make him and his father march over to the other kid’s house and apologize to the child and his or her parents and agree to never perpetrate that act again. You bet it’s humiliating! But it must work, because I have six kids - ranging in age from six to nineteen - and have only had to do this twice.
You won’t tolerate collective punishments, house demolitions and deportations? Listen Pal, reward and punishment is the way the world works in both my house and in the Heavens. I can assure you that if any viable, creative or productive endeavor were to ever come forth from a purely palestinian source (sorry France and Germany) and would show a purity of purpose and promise for improving the lot of the palestinians or the peoples of the region, it would be enthusiastically received, encouraged and promoted by the State of Israel. However, any violent, destructive actions on the part of an individual or group of resident palestinians, should result in permanent deportation to a desert land, where you can disappear with the sands of time.
You don’t like the constraints, security checks and long lines when you come to work in my country? Too bad! Please don’t complain about the surveillance, questions or strip searches. We don’t trust you. You guys have been killing us. I imagine it will take a good generation or so before you can gain our trust. If you don’t like the rules, leave! If you opt to stay it won’t be because you have a claim to this land, as it’s not yours; it will be because you are a good person - an upstanding Arab resident who has rejected evil and has chosen to take part in the building of a constructive and dynamic enterprise known as the State of Israel. Of course, in order to do this, you will have to abandon your culture of death - which means you would cease to be a palestinian. Oh my gosh! I think I just got rid of the palestinian problem! Call me oppressive, humiliating or condescending, but I believe all peoples of the region and the world will eventually thank us. You may, eventually, thank us too - for assisting you on your road to recovery.
Now, a word to all you Jewish/Israeli diplomats, politicians, academics, and international financiers and lawyers....
Look, if this system of reward and punishment is good enough for my family and good enough for Our Father in Heaven, then it should be good enough for the international community. What, you learned something in college that I don’t know? Or perhaps your political science and international law professors know more than G-d? Although I don’t have the figures in front of me, it could be argued that with regards to economics, education, health and culture, the palestinians were much better off before receiving autonomy. G-d gave you brains, so do what you’re supposed to do with them and shove those statistics down the throats of the U.N. and other palestinian advocacy groups. Declare Oslo null and void already and let’s get on with the business of nation building.
You don’t know what to do with all those binding documents and agreements? No Problem. Burn them. The Arabs like to burn Israeli and American flags, tires and people. I see no reason why burning some papers should raise an international stink. We could have a second Israeli Independence Day with a nation-wide bonfire, barbecue and songs. On second thought, the words on those papers, as they go up in smoke, may render your chicken and kebab treif. Let’s be environmentally safe about this - perhaps those of you of involved in the world of big business can pick up a couple of used paper shredders from Enron. I’m sure they could use the money.
A word to those on the Left...
I’m sorry that many of you grew-up bereft of authentic Jewish mothers. Perhaps when you came home from school, your mom was on the Ramat Aviv tennis court or sunning herself at the Herzlyia Beach Club. Maybe she was busy climbing the executive ladder in Manhattan or attending a self-awareness/nirvana workshop in San Francisco. Was she doing lunch with a friend at the mall and discussing her child-rearing anxieties over a sun-dried tomato and bacon quiche (remember, this was before the days of Prozac), while you were alone at home eating a microwaved pizza? Believe me, I feel for you. So, in order to make the Jewish Mother’s Solution a bit more palatable and less oppressive, we’re going to simply call this a “Tough Love” Policy. There, feel better?
A word to all authentic Jewish mothers living here and in the Diaspora...
It’s a given that, when in the driver’s seat, men hate to ask directions. These little and big men (take note Arik Sharon) who think they are running the world with their road maps and new world orders, are a bit confused. For instance, as I write this, my six year old son, who has just gotten out of the bath, is dancing stark naked on my new sofa with his underwear on his head. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to leave this computer and set the kid straight. But one final word: For thousands of years, in times of both personal and national crisis, it’s the Jewish woman who knows how to rise to the occasion and hold her ground. Our guys, the nation and the future are kind of counting on us. So, the Jewish Mother’s Solution to the current land for peace fiasco is simple: Get out there and hold your ground! -------------------------------------------------------- Ellen lives on the Golan Heights with her husband and six children. She is a painter, writer and founder of helpingisrael.com. She can be contacted through her website http://www.artfromzion.com.
