A major element of NUTS is a number for each business entity. This is an Australian Business Utility Number (ABUN) which will be used for dealings with government at all levels. Every business in Australia will get ABUN with NUTS.
Businesses will be required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table and Report Document (BASTARD) every month. Business should set aside at least three days every working week to fill out the BASTARD.
Under the new system, every adult Australian taxpayer is classified as a SUCKER, that is a Simple Underpaid Consumer Keeping Everything Running, unless they are classified as Registered Australian Taxation Beneficiary Allowance Grantees (RATBAG). All SUCKERS and RATBAGS will be required to complete a DAFT form, that is a Direct Application for Taxation form. The completed DAFT form will be assessed by a local MORON, (Metropolitan Or Regional Outcome Negotiator) who determines the amount of CRAP, (Credited Refund Allowance Payable) the taxpayer will receive.
Any SUCKER who wishes to appeal against the amount of CRAP received from the Government should contact their local MORON who will assess the appeal and classify it as either STUPID (Secondary Temporarily Unpaid Portion of Individual Debit) or IDIOTIC (Income Derived Individual Obligatory Taxation Instalment Credit). If you are a RATBAG, you will not be entitled to ABUN with NUTS and you will not be given any CRAP. However, you will need to apply for a new Joint Organisation Benefit, known as a JOB, provided jointly by state and federal governments.
As you would know, all small businesses were required to be registered before 30th June this year as Businesses Utilising Sales Tax (BUST). From 1st July, when Australia went NUTS, small businesses employing more than 2.7 people on a regular full-time basis must give each employee the Statutory Assessment Contribution Kit (the SACK) as supplies become available. Only when all employees have been given the SACK will the business be officially acknowledged as BUST. To alleviate any hardship during the changeover period the government has established a Department of Grants and Subsidies (the DOGS).
The government predicts that, by the end of this financial year, all employees will have been given the SACK, all business will be registered as BUST and the whole population will have gone to the DOGS.
