Bloody hell.. Our stocks have crashed, the Australian dollar and...

Bloody hell.. Our stocks have crashed, the Australian dollar and shares have plummeted; we only get 0.5% on fixed deposits, and our Superannuation is stuffed.

Woe, woe, this recession is hitting everybody really hard.

Things couldn’t be much worse judging by this:

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of
10c coins, rather than dollar notes...while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the Bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call
them and ask them what they meant …..you or them!

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Toorak fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her!

A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, ….they now have to share a room.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs,

my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the

Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them

I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a

truck.