I just intercepted this from deep space:
Your Excellency
President of the Intergalactic Stock Exchange
I am writing to you with the hope you may help me and my Martian family.
Over a Martian year ago my broker inadvertently bought RED5 shares on the Earth Stock Exchange instead of RED4 shares based here on Mars. The investment has been a disaster and I have lost over 90% of my Martian BitCoin investment.
One unexpected outcome of this disaster has been the discovery of a new invasion technique that may complement our superior weapons and tactics when we invade Earth. I have dubbed the technique the RED DIVE.
Basically the RED DIVE works like this:
- The invading force comes in at a predetermined trajectory (not too steep, not too shallow)
- At the appropriate time, and without warning we would unleash an almighty blow to all to maximise physical, physiological and financial collateral damage.
- A key function of the technique is that all pilots and navigators will survive but few others will (unless there are some Earthling Friendlies that support us).
- For us to guarantee success it is assumed all pilots will be fully trained or have extensive previous experience in the technique or similar.
- Having a cover story for the catastrophe is a prerequisite. RED5 called it an “Innocent Mistake” so we will have to think of one for ourselves.
- The following diagram shows the exact trajectory used by RED5:
- Note the perfect slide to economic ruin and the timeframe. Using ‘stealth mode’ for extended periods during the operation seems to improve the technique.
Your Excellency it is my humble opinion that if the RED DIVE technique is used on all the companies on the Earth Stock Exchange we should be able takeover Earth within one Martian year at the same time as fully preserving the assets that they control.
Would it be possible in lieu of compensation and as a reward for highlighting the RED DIVE technique you could you see fit to giving me the Earth countries of Australia and the Philippines? I need a break from all this RED dust.
regards jakedog
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