This is what your father wanted I surmise. And so he died in the manner he wished - and his love for you, I again can only surmise, would mean that no - he didn't want you to suffer and see him as he looked, and experience the trauma of seeing his actual death.
Same thing happened with my grandma - told she didn't want to see me after her admission to hospital, suddenly ill, but not expected to survive the week, being in her late 80's. and she didn't - survive.
For years I thought it was awful - wondered why - her message to me was don't come. I went over it and over it. Wondering why. For years. We'd been close. Then the pennies dropped - and I understood - nothing to do with ME!
For later, when a lot more mature - I realised on a deep-rethink, my self-blame or resentment was not "it" at all - she wasn't being mean or difficult - didn't want me, or others, to recall her as she, by now, looked and suffered. Nothing personal, quite the reverse - just a quirky brave act of her choosing - and I see now this was her unselfish way of expressing true unconditional love. My mother was with her when she died peacefully. Strangely, although not there, I sensed the exact moment she'd passed, as had the strangest of feelings - the exact time later confirmed. So don't beat yourself up. Not necessary at all I feel!
Another relative, a cancer patient,with moments to live, told of a "vision" experience they described as "strange" and "wonderful". But they did not live long enough to relay the details. It was something special clearly, though!
Hope this makes you, and perhaps others, feel cheerier.
Merry Christmas. (Allowed to be personal at Christmas!)
