the truth

Hi Folks –

Thankfully Olive Blossom has alerted us to the squandering of the Meo fortune…
-“ post Artemis 1 they had about $100 mill cash, what have they done since to improve share holders value?
We all know the answer. “

This really got me thinking as I was under the impression that it had been spent on seismic, and permits and bribing corrupt officials etc etc….so I did as one has to do and went undercover to see what really goes on behind the scenes at 500 Collins St- now, be forewarned, this previously unseen material will shock and amaze and possibly prevent you from procreating so you’ve been told….rugged stuff!
I naturally went incognito as any hint of The Ort would have sent their security apparatus into overdrive……here goes;

The Maybach glided to a serene halt and JH emerged unscathed from his recent foray to Milan and seemingly intact from yet another one of Silvios notorious “Bunga Bunga parties “ – where it’s apparently normal to reduce business to the most physical level…… He appeared tired yet engaged as the Meo uniformed chauffeur opened the door and then he promptly, surrounded by a bevy of personal trainers, security and PA’s disappeared into the bowels of 500 Collins….

Ort followed as only Ort can and I soon found him ensconced in his salubrious office suite, no, palace would be a better description knuckling down to his first business of the day……which was a tense meeting with Jim’s Helipad team as JH had obviously had enough of the Melb traffic…..” If it was good enough for Sir Reg….’ – I heard him scream…..so expect to hear the roaring of blades to get our Ceo to work anytime soon. I then personally witnessed him opening a bottle of Frances finest ( only following the lead set by Sir Winston he let slip…) to help soothe frayed nerves and settle himself for the argy-bargy which lay ahead…..

It was time to look around……down the corridor and left and there she was in all her resplendent glory…..the Chief Geos ‘Stang…..up on a hoist with the engine out but rest assured folks, she is in highly competent hands as they have all day to trawl the net for those hard to find carburettor jets and high Co2 gas conversions…..but the workshop would do a team bound for Bathurst proud so one can only assume that Meo shareholder funds are being very wisely spent in the pursuit of maintaining the work/ pleasure equilibrium of our esteemed professionals…..though I did hear him shout- “Bugger the seismic, where are those valve shims….” - Great to witness true pros at work.

I then stuck my curious head through a doorway where various untrained assistants were cobbling together more material for new presentations…..basically cutting and pasting from the Net pinching whatever took their fancy…”Wow, great 3D seismic shot from Disneyland – plonk it in there, the punters won’t know!!...” – One could only stand back in awe and admire their creativity….

Things then took a turn for the worse as the ghost of DM emerged in the corridor….but it wasn’t a ghost at all, just a shadow , indeed a mere hull of a man……apparently, and this really is just between you me and the gatepost, it took over four tense drama filled hours to talk Dave down from the ledge on that fateful day in Dec 2010 when A#1 hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons…..now he wanders the corridors with his 1000 yard vacant stare before some keepers gently usher him into the padded cell they jokingly refer to as Petrobras …….poor soul, but I have to say, that bold Gothic style tattoo on his chest saying Jansz looks totally cool…..

Some enlivened discussion from a nearby doorway caught my ear….”No Meo man, women or beast has ever, and I repeat ever, turned right when boarding an aircraft and well may he say God save the Queen because nothing will save the Governor General….”oops , might have misheard, but you get the idea…..it’s simply first class all the way for our boys and their wives, neighbours, old school pals, people they meet in the street etc etc….

Which brings me to the New Ventures chap, who I have heard from reliable sources finds time to look for Hydrocarbons in all sorts of fascinating places including St Moritz, Aspen, New York, Madrid, some obscure ski resort in Japan, and also Port Douglas….it obviously takes sheer guts and determination for him to push himself this hard all in the quest for turning high Co2 gas into a revenue source so one can only admire the man! Money well spent I say and it appears that if they can pull off the scam in converting his Frequent Flyer points into cash then that might just well take the pressure off the niggly SPP……

I then heard footsteps so ducked into the nearest doorway…..which turned out to be the wine cellar! Dear Meomites, I am not a man easily impressed but Kellermeister Juergen has assembled an artillery of bottles up on the 23rd floor that will undoubtedly go down in Melb business history!!! Even Sharkie would have trouble or liver failure trying to deal with this ensemble of premium boutique wines….disclosure: I swiped a couple as compensation for A#1 and future unknowns….and quickly necked a few rare Belgium beers brewed by abstinent Monks ( can’t quite relate to that concept ) – to relax and sustain me for adventures ahead…..

Loud gut wrenching laughter and thigh slapping mingling with various noises of mirth and merrymaking -- chortling in fact, drew my attention, and peering around the corner there was Col entertaining the troops for morning tea, gee he’s a card…. “Tell us that one again about the over -pressurised zone will ya Col…” I believe I heard……Simply heart warming to see such humour in the workplace and I totally support Meo using shareholder funds to whisk off one and all to a tour of global Comedy Festivals next year to help hone their O and G team – they really are at the cutting edge of interpersonal development skills!

The next office I peered into was straight out of Hollywood – there was Roberto, no doubt the snappiest dresser on the Meo website, being personally measured up by none other than Ermenegildo Zegna himself for his latest batch of suits…..only the meanest of shareholders would deny our RZ the chance to look his finest when dealing with the riff-raff of the O and G industry, so again, this can only be endorsed as money well spent!

Gazing through the next keyhole was a real revelation…….and for me at least vindication of the brilliance of the Meo team in both technical excellence and strategy. You see, it appears that they have actually classified the Gurame drill as a Claytons drill….!! Yep, the drill you have when you’re not having a drill!! Simply magnificent!! The rig is indeed on site but they’ve struck a deal to leave a few gennies running, flash some impressive lights now and then, make some industrial type noises and she’ll be right mate!!! There is no drill bit – just a few bored deckhands doing things that would be illegal in a civilised society to pass the time of day……The Gurame drill is a sham cause they didn’t pull off the zillion dollar deal they wanted so park the bloody rig there for a month or so to save storage fees and feed out a few teasers and watch the majors open their chequebooks - lateral thinking at its finest, no wonder they’re on such generous salaries!

Time was pressing but I did overhear a conversation regarding selling the shell of Meo to Prosper and Bondy after diddling the Spp and faking the real HS1 results then moving the team offshore to return at a date unknown to return as WSE Enterprises ( We Shaft Everybody ) – wherein they have this amazing plan to drill for Co2 with a minute gas content which when found they can then blackmail the Govt for Carbon Credits or they’ll release the stuff into the atmosphere……talk about thinking out of the square!
I like these folks! So Olive – I tracked the cash and let’s just say it’s disappearing faster than I can possibly type! I’m just glad they’re not wasting it on any of that boring technical stuff, or employing talented people, or, shock and awe, actually drilling holes in the ocean floor…heaven forbid!! Next those uppity buggers will actually want to produce something!
Gotta go, I think they’re onto me

Ort
Ps; As I slunk out the lift I couldn’t help but notice a journo from a major daily waiting to ride up to the 23rd floor to build on an article he wrote recently on a O and G minnow that might just be primed to evolve……poor bugger, he was in the wrong building lol

Hope you enjoy a chuckle folks – seems like it's needed at the moment.....no question, time for Meo to transform, we have all witnessed the groundworks – let’s see what the next few months deliver.