things you didn't know about chuck norris

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs.
When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course
I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in
the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he
pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly
declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McNasty's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely
responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse
kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be
seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was
experimenting with water.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one
thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey,"
and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment
Tonight that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total Recall.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and
poops them out transformed into a robot.

In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck
Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It
helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him
holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card,
a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from
the game Uno.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate
and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking
your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying
to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one.
He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within
an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He
then ordered a hot, drank it, and then burned the place to
the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames,
"always leave things the way you found em!"

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris
accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar
with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue
ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most
venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being
bitten, a human being experiences the following
symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of
the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked
through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to
misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of
it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that
autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach
messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck
Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks

Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him...Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.