If Dr Suess followed the AFL.... With a Pickett in a pocket and a Primus all at Port And a Bishop and 2 Burgoynes and a Brogan for support All Choko's boys are chokers, in the finals they'll abort And Cornes will give the finger and get put on report
With Brown and Green and White they are colourful at the Dees Their opponents are so happy. They score just as they please They occasionally make the finals just to give their fans a tease But without Joe Gutnick's millions they cannot pay their fees
With their salary cap concessions the Lions aren't so poor And with Lynch and Brown up forward they should kick a mighty score Add Voss and Black and Aker and they have a classy core So now they will be aiming for premiership number four
Pagan's paddock looks quite bare since he joined the Blues McKernan's gone back home again, so he can watch them lose Harford, Mott and Scotland should be playing in the Twos And Whitnall's overweight again and Angwin's in the news
Tivendale's a Tiger and Zantuck is one too Campbell's been around a while but Nathan Brown is new If they finish ninth again, Spud is gonna spew 'Cos Clinton Casey will replace the entire coaching crew
Their salary cap is bursting down at Essendon Caracella, Blumfield and Heffernan have gone Hirdy's always injured and Mercuri's nearly done And Sheedy is collapsing from lying in the sun
Buckley really wants to win a premiership for the Pies But he can never win one, no matter how he tries Licuria and Malthouse will have tears in their eyes When the Wobbles come again and they cannot win the prize
St Kilda often win the spoon, they now have twenty-six But they are always happy to get the best draft picks With Riewoldt, Koschitzke, Ball and Goddard in the mix They've only won one flag back in 1966
In Adelaide they are crowing because they've got the King They reckon he's so fit they could play him on the wing He wants to prove to everyone that he hasn't lost his spring But when this year is over he'll be retiring
The Hawks' best days are gone; they used to be a power Unfortunately for them, everything went sour Their players are all mummies' boys, at times they really cower But they really play quite well when they are in the shower
Freo has a young side and they can really play They're dominant at home but they cannot win away If they changed their uniform they'd probably be okay 'Cos when they dress in purple they really look quite gay
They are very poor, those Western Bulldog folk For so long they have been the competition's joke Many times I've thought the club was gonna croak But they keep on playing even though they are going broke
The Eagles have a midfield that really plays with flair With Gardiner, Judd and Cousins, they'll probably win their share Unfortunately for them, their forward line is bare And Chick has lost his finger and Matera lost his hair
Things are now quite different at the Kangaroos Careys' at the Crows and Pagans' at the Blues Morrell and Teague for McKernan is a trade that will confuse And Micky Martyn has now joined the unemployment queues
There are problems at Geelong, they really are a mess Bomber is a coach who is really under stress Until they get some talent they'll continue to regress While their players run around with a handbag and a dress
The Swans have always been the AFL's pet Anything they want is exactly what they get They get some extra salary cap and all their bills are met So it really doesn't matter how much they get in debt
