bellringer - a chrismas gift Bonkers, Steve, or whoever you may wish to call yourself,
It's not sympathy or camaraderie you're getting here on HC, it is pity.
Life can be tough as many of us can testify, but you can't change the past. We must live for the future and set out for new destinations. Drug addiction, drink, gambling, are all considered weaknesses, but they're just excuses for not trying your darndest. Life's an opportunity. Make of it what you will.
I too have had losses similar in impact to yours but without the comfort of your younger years. I too have dabbled in drugs. I have endured incidences of grave magnitude. But at all times I recognize that the future is mine and I always face it positively.
Change your lifestyle Steve. Break away from that computer as often as you can. Instead, take walks in Nature, and think only positive thoughts. For life is a gift, and it's within your power to enjoy that gift.
My life has been satisfying and successful. My advice; focus on a dream and let that dream guide you and drive you. A most memorable life can be yours if you set out to have one.
Bonkers is the past. Quit the smokes by learning to hate tobacco. Take lots of walks in parks, along rivers, swim, lift weights, do anything to pump yourself up, and it'll work. Like dominos cascading against another, your new strength will bring you confidence and the desire to refocus on re-building yourself and straightaway you'll feel pumped and start thinking about what you can do with those wonderful years of life still before you on Earth.
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