"So do I avail myself of a very kind offer, or do I consider the hurt and wellbeing of others? That choice is mine to make and that is exercising my will."
The interesting thing is that a particular choice or activity is not in itself an indicator that it was the result of the use of free will.
For example in the above case, there is the influence of your sexual desire versus your concern that you might be found out and this would cause hurt to others including yourself !
Add into that your upbringing which almost certainly included that marriage means no sex with anyone but your partner.
In this case, the resultant action is not the result of free will guided by reason and conscience but basically depends on which influences were strongest at the time.
So, in a particular circumstance you choose not to go with the sexual desire and tell yourself it is because you have exercised free will. However, "will" that was truly free would also be free to make the choice to accept the "kind offer" if that was a more appropriate action.
For instance if you could be sure that your wife or others in your circle would never find out or not be hurt ?
Would you consider that your rejection might well be very unkind and hurt the bearer of the gift ?
It could even be that your acceptance was something that helped in a time of genuine need. Perhaps even becomes a catalyst for a change of direction in her life.
I'm not suggesting this as how to compile a list of excuses for satisfying sexual desire or that this scenario remotely applies in all cases. Just an indication that will is not free unless it can consider and choose amongst all choices guided by genuine conscience and understanding rather than rules, natural impulses and reactions based on fear and reward one accumulates in life especially during childhood and youth.
We see in our current society how previous influences that formed generally accepted ideas about moral behaviour and "rules" are becoming less and less dominant.
The rules were there more or less because in general, people don't have will, let alone free will.
Now we have increasing concerns about lack of meaning, lives that are directionless and without a centre of gravity.
Some people claim this "progress".
