1. *AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. *WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent
two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'
3. *WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw
money from his own bank accounts.
4. *THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was
too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter
himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. *DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words:
'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not
what I said!'
6. *ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'.
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted,
'This is her husband!'
7. *NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard
King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(hellooooooo...!!!)
8. *THE GRAND FINALE! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in
the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they
couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very
sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they
applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted
into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them
what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in
perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up
and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one
of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came
up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still
strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
*Now remember, these are all true stories, and these people vote and most have children!*
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