Id like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.
[On the Porsche Boxster]
It couldnt pull a greased stick out of a pigs bottom.
[When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel]
When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!
They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.
Im sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If youve got even half a scrotum its not going to happen.
Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary thats what gets you.
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable.
More comfortable than what being stabbed?
[On Detroit]
God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.
Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.
[On the Renault Clio V6]
I think the problem is that its French. Its a surrendermonkey.
[On the Enzo Ferrari]
I rang up Jay Kay, whos got one, and said: Can we borrow yours? and he said, Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.
[On the Porsche Cayenne]
Ive seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!
The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.
Whenever Im suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and Im straight off.
If you were to buy a BMW 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends houses so they dont see its backside.
That [Pagani] Zonda, really! Its like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
[On a Chevrolet Corvette]
The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then wont let me turn the traction control off!
[On the Alfa Romeo Brera]
Think of it as Angelina Jolie. Youve heard shes mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste.
But you would, wouldnt you?
A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.
This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that thats much to shout about. Thats like saying Oh good, Ive got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!
In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.
[On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG]
It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.
Id rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.
Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.
Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. Its like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels.
Youd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some blokes sweaty face.
I dont understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
