tuesday funnies

> > > An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small
> > village and
> > sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.
> >
> > He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi
> > "Can I talk to your dog?"
> >
> > Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
> > Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
> > Dog: "Doin' all right."
> > Villager: (look of extreme shock)
> > Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the
villager)
> > Dog: "Yep"
> > Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
> > Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
> me
> > to the lake once a week to play."
> > Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
> > Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
> > Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
> > Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
> > Horse: "Cool"
> > Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
> > Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
> > Horse: "Yep"
> > Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
> > Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me
> > down often and
> > keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
> > Villager: (total look of amazement)
> > Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
>
>
>
>
>
> > Villager: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar!"