Ladies and gentleman, television hit a new low on Sunday with Dougy selling his story, so I felt I had to poke fun at the garbage out there:
Schnitzel Von Crumb's All Time TV Low List ---------------------------------------- 1. Big Brother (Ten) Description: In one word: Morons. The other night I accidentally saw BB Uncut past 9:40 and one of the house mates (Male) was telling the other (Female)about his experience sadomising a dutch backpacker! Classy TV! But a word of warning ... not for those with an IQ above 90 ... for some reason when you get to that level you stop enjoying the show.
2. Australia's Funniest Home Video Show (Nine) Description: Geez it's funny to see a little kid fall off a bike going 20 km an hour and smash him or herself in the face! Gotta love the voice over and his predicable pun jokes. P.S. Don't forget to laugh ... there are only a few things which can happen on the show: boy falls over, girl falls over, dog does trick! And then you get to watch it all over again next week. Hahaha ... as funny as paint drying!
3. Today Tonight (Seven) Description: I'd have to say the best story I unfortunately witnessed was one about the "fountain of youth" ... a smart business man bottled water from a spring and sold it to people with 'research' showing that the bottled water would add years to your life. AND TODAY TONIGHT ACTUALLY SUPPORTED THIS GUY!!!
4. Bright Ideas (Ten) Description: A very long advertisement for 3M duct tape ... oops I mean a building show where they tell you about buying ... oops i mean building and renovating using specific products ... oops I mean specific building techniques. (You get the idea).
5. Good Morning Australia (Ten) Description: Mr Television himself drowning in a pool of advertising junk coming to the surface occasionally to give an interview only to be swamped by a wave of juicers or gym equipment that don't work well (go to the ACCC website and see how many complaints there are about that garbage being sold)!
5. Neightbours (Ten) Description: Everyone is super clean cut and middle class on Neighbours! Nobody begging for change on Ramsey Street. Also, if you squint hard enough occasionally you will see somebody that isn't 'beautiful' floating around in the background of Harold's coffee shop. Teen issues are handled so well on neighbours ... teen lesbians (who peck on the lips and do no more) don't suffer extreme ridicule, teenagers who get pregnant always manage to pull through and everyone hugs everyone in the end. Can't wait until a house comes up for sale on Ramsey Street!
6.. Channel Ten News: 'First at Five' Description: Hosts pretending they live in your capital when the show is actually broadcasted from Melbourne. Paul Bongiorno props the political reporting up some what, and the headline news is acceptable, but aside from him the show places an emphasis on human interest stories instead of news. Angela Bishop removes all credibility by reporting on celebrity gossip ... I thought news was about the issues affecting our lives??? You can find out who has turned 100 in your community as well ... so much well researched local content!
6-9. Law & Order (Ten) Description: Cops investigate for approx 20 mins of the show. For the next 20 mins 'Lawyers' slam doors and yell at each other and discuss incredible strategies to prosecute the accused. And then finally in the last 20 mins we have the 'court room drama'. Crim goes away and everything is wrapped up in a neat little package. Our Justice system could learn everything if they watched law and order! It's so hard hitting ... so many different law and orders to choose from hence 6-10 in the top 10 ... i'm waiting for the 'Law and Order: Parking Inspector Unit' to come out soon! All the trials and tribulations!
10. Any of Ten's Commercials for their own TV junk. The commercials make the shows look even more trashier than they actually are!
Finally ... A toast to Moira. Channel 10's very own corporate tramp ... innocent little Moira!
