1. Scene: A dinner party where S.W. is greatly enjoying his wine and not greatly enjoying Lady Astor's company, being of the large group that gave her surname two esses...
Lady Astor: Mr. Prime Minister, I believe you are quite drunk!
Sir Winston: I am, Madam. But you are very ugly and tomorrow morning I shall be indisputably sober.
2. Lady Astor, the first lady in the House of Commons once said to him:
"If I was your wife, sir, I would poison your coffee."
"If I was your husband, I would drink it," answered Churchill..
3. The photographer who had been photographing Churchill on his eightieth birthday said courteously that he hoped he would photograph him on his hundreth. "I dont see why not, young man" said Churchill. "You look reasonably fit to me."
4. Churchill at a party, and a lady walked up and said "I've bet my husband I can make you say 3 words this evening." To which he replied "You lose".
5. George Bernard Shaw sending Winston an invitation to his new play, St Joan, 1923.
"Bring a friend if you have one."
Churchill replied, "I cannot come. Would it be possible for you to let me have tickets for the second night - if there is one."
