"Good morning Mr Smith. The results of your blood tests have returned and shows you have a condition called SHAG"
"Shag? What the hell is shag"
"Syphilis, Herpes Aids and Gonorrhoea"
"Omg!! Is there anything you can do"?
"Of course. There's a small secluded room at the end of long corridor at the rear of the building. We'll put you in there on a diet of pitta breads, pancakes and pizza"
"Oh, will that help"?
"Not really, but it's the only food that will go under the door"
