volunteers required

I have just been speaking to Dear Leader and due to the very unfavourable market conditions the company has decided to mine the secondary oxide blanket on a very limited budget.To save on labour costs our leader is calling for volunteers from the shareholders to help with the mining operations.

First to arrive is the ever dependable Nijiman....

Dear Leader: G'day Nijiman,'bring your pick and shovel?

Nijiman: Right here....

D/L: That's not a pick,Nijiman,it's a garden hoe..

Nijiman: Errrrr,sorry,thought it was a pick.

D/L: Nevermind,we can use it to scratch the surface,besides I have just been looking on e-bay and there is a cheap bobcat out at Come-By-Chance in the Pillaga district of northern NSW.

Nijiman: how much they asking?

D/L: 16K

Nijiman: Tell 'em their dreaming.....offer them 10

D/L: Ok,it's a done deal...can we get GZ to swing by and pick it up?........phone's over there.

Brrrrrp,Brrrrrrp.......Brrrrrp,Brrrrrp

GZ: Hello,who's calling,what d'ya want...

Nijiman: groundzero,it's me Nijiman.Any chance you coming Come-By-Chance for us?

GZ: I'm not coming by chance,I'm coming to assist.I thought the company required volunteers.

Nijiman: No,no,no we need to swing by Walgett way and pick up a bobcat.

GZ: Walgett?...I thought we were mining at Thaduna....make up your mind or else I'm not coming.

Nijiman: don't worry....see you when your here.

D/L: Problem?

Nijiman: Ahh,it's that GZ...can't understand a simple instruction.

D/L: We'll worry about that later,Peterbdon has just shown up with some yellow raincoats.To save some money he has just been to Go Lo and purchased some cheap raincoats.....we will use them as safety vests.Should match the kiddies snorkel and goggles that our secretary brought from Dollar Dazzlers....to be used as eye protection.

Nijiman: Gee,that will save the company some money.What about the safety boots.

D/L: Taken care of.I have asked the chief engineer to glue some used tuna tins onto the front of some old thongs laying around.Won't be able to tell whose feet are smelly and also they make great iron-capped safety shoes.We also have some old bath plugs that we are securing over everyone's ears with some headbands to use as hearing protection.

Nijiman: But boss,don't you think we might be the laughing stock of all the miners out here....what,out at the pit,dressed in yellow raincoats,pink goggles and snorkels,makeshift work boots and with drain plugs as hearing protection?

D/L: listen Nijiman,we may be on a tight budget,but the company takes the safety of all our workers very seriously.We will not compromise when safety is involved.

Nijiman: Fair e'nuff.....Say,isn't that Rickh pulling up on his bike.Looks as though he has brought along his box trailer.

D/L: Gday rickh.Listen, colonnade is out at the pit using his wheelbarrow and shovel to remove the overburden.If you could take your trailer down there,we may be able to load some ore into it........If u can take it across to Geovar...as he has an old Simpson washing machine he is using to process the ore.

Rickh: Washing machine?

D/L: yea,it's a heavy duty one!

Nijiman:Hey boss,that trailer is not gonna carry too much ore in it,is it?

D/L: Nijiman,we are working to a very tight budget here.And besides,the Board has asssured shareholders that we will be one of the lowest cost operators on the ASX.Our royalty costs will be the lowest in the business.

Nijiman: Sounds good.Now where is SLOGGER,thought he was coming?

D/L: He has just gone into town to pick up the explosives.To save money we have managed to get some bungers from a Taiwanese based fireworks company......Double Happy brand!

Gonna use them for blasting after we drill the shot holes with a 5/8" Makita drill that we bought from Bunnings.Should do the job!

Nijiman: What about your Reclamation costs,how is the company gonna save money there?

D/L: Were not filling the pit back in with over-
burden.....Plan is, to fill it with some of that water we came across whilst drilling and make a swimming pool out of it.............give it to the townsfolk.

Nijiman: But Dear Leader,there is only three old blokes,two dogs and a duck in town....they will never use the pool.

D/L: Right-i-o then,we will plant some weeds around the edge
and tell 'em it's a duckpond ...........should do!












Embellished from 'The Ferret'