News Flash. Stephen Smith (Martis) and Tim Flannery (El Capo)...

News Flash. Stephen Smith (Martis) and Tim Flannery (El Capo) have called a press conference.

Martis: Afternoon members of the press. El and I have called this meeting because we are concerned about rife optimism amongst the community about defence and rain.... and the Dow... and we would like to put a stop to it. You should all be aware that the defence force are evil and it is not.... I repeat NOT.... raining.... anywhere.... particularly not in Sydney or Wagga. Now, are there any questions?

Journo: Minister, is it true that you falsely sacked Commandant Kafar and that you have been negligently calling a crash on the Dow for months despite evidence to the contrary? Is it also true that you have jumped on the first downturn in the DOW as evidence of your point of view despite their being scant evidence?

Martis: Evil.... did I mention evil?... and Dow 3500 by the end of the year?.... did I mention that?

Journo: And Commandant Kafar?

Martis: An optimist.... there is no room for optimism on the Dow or in defense.... not while I'm Minister!

Journo: And El Capo, didn't you predict that all Australian major capitals would run out of water and yet two years later all the dams are full, Brisbane has been flooded and the rest of Qld, NSW and Victoria are experiencing the biggest rainfall in decades?

EC: No.... no..... errr yes.... but no. I predicted that there would be no rainfall.... then less rainfall. Then I predicted no rainfall and more no rainfall. And then just last night I predicted 13040mm on the DOW.

Journo: And what happened last night?

EC: errrrrr.... last night there was no rainfall..... but 12 hours later there was -130404mm in Sydney.

Journo: So we should conclude that whatever you predict the opposite will happen?

EC: errrr...... no..... no..... errrr..... yes.