The Fly
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happenedupon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours sinceshe had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate.Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eatentoo much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked aroundwondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. Sheclimbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she gotairborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, she was wrong andshe dropped like a rock and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead!
ARE YOU READY FOR THE MORAL OF THE STORY?
Neverfly off the handle when you know you're full of shi*t.
Traditions
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
He went over there and asked them why they guard it.
"We don't know. The last commander told us to do so,and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"
He searched for the last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.
"I don't know. The previous commander had guards,and I kept the tradition."
Going back another 3 commanders, he found a new 100-year-old retired General.
"Excuse me, sir. I'm now the CO of the camp youcommanded 60 years ago. I've found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could youplease tell me more about the bench?"
"What?! Is the paint still wet?
Thrift
An elderly woman’s husband dies. She wants an obit in the paper but she’s a real penny pincher. She calls up the paper and says; “Ineed to get an obit for my husband in the paper. What’s the cheapest one yougot?”
The person at the paper says; “Well ma’am, you have tobuy at least one line.” The woman says; “Ok, I want it to say ‘Frank’sdead.’”
The person on the phone says; “Well ma’am, with one lineyou can have up to five words.”
The old woman says; “Wonderful! Then I wantit to say “Frank’s dead. TruckFor Sale
