So Ill design a new form for all to fill out prior to opening a...

So Ill design a new form for all to fill out prior to opening a bank account.
Just a couple of questions.
1. Are you a crook ? yes / no
2. have you ever been in trouble with the law ? yes / no
3. are you a money launderer ? ? yes / no
4. do you pay tax in Australia ? yes / no
5. are you a paedophile ? yes / no
6. are you a member of a cartel ? yes / no
7. do you attempt to minimise your tax by clever accounting ? yes / no
8. do you gamble on the pokies ? yes / no
9. do you or have you ever visited a casino ? yes / no
10. do you give to charities ? yes / no
11. why do you need to open an account with our bank ? reason please ? ............................
12. Have you ever stolen a car > yes / no
13. have you ever had an extra marital affair ? yes / no
14 . have you ever thought about having an extra marital affair ? yes / no be honest with this one.
15.. ever gone to the shops to buy milk and not come home ? yes / no
16. ever transferred funds to an over seas account ? if so WHY ? ................................

If you answer answer all of the above we think is appropriate , well then you can open an account with us.
However if we are not happy with your answers it means we regard you as a bad risk therefore you should go to an other bank.

Your application will be processed within 5 years or as soon as we can find some one within Australia to help with the paper work.