What If......, page-3

Financial Disaster!

My goodness the Mercedes has been sitting in the garage awaiting a spike in the SP just so i can get enough cash to re-register it. The heated pool has turned green due to the cost of chlorine and the motor on the outdoor spa has seized due to lack of use. I don't dare turn on the 70 inch plasma because it draws so much power and the Bose stereo system has sat idle since the Mrs pawned my CD collection. The tennis courst has overgrown and my little one is sucking her meals through a straw awaiting new braces and the kids at school now call her fish lips, and to make it worse, her prize winning corgi's, iPad mini, and her Barbie Mega Block collection have all been repossessed. I have resorted to wearing the same undies 3 days in a row turning them inside out and back again and again just to reduce the amount of OMO we go through and we have also stopped using cuddly fabric softener on my shorts. When my relatives come to visit they generously bring more than enough takeaway Chinese just so we have something to nibble on the next morning. St Vinnies now give us odd looks when we do our weekly clothing shop and the butcher next door to Vinnies now refuses to donate lamb shanks to my family. Our pet python has lost weight and now looks like a lizard and the neighborhood cats don't even bother searching through our rubbish bins anymore. Thank god for the weekly supermarket pamphlets because the paper delivery boy was told by the local newsagent to stop delivering my copy of the financial review. I haven't had a tall vanilla machiato with a twist and a ham and cheese croissant at my favorite cafe since early 2012 and the seniors special at the local club has become out of reach. Behind my back my friends now refer to me as Renee Rifkin and prematurely resigning from my job has caused great embarrassment. I knew i should have waited a few more months before telling the boss i am making it big in the Solomon's and going to be richer than rich. I have had to swallow my pride and notify all of my friends and colleagues that the all expenses paid trip to MY south pacific island resort is off and the free helicopter pick up was really only a joke. I am so penniless that i have a hole in my scrotum where my genitals used to be which is why my Mrs has resorted to finding solace in the arms of Mr Nguyen the local Vietnamese green grocer. That's not all bad though because i do like my fresh spring rolls with ho sin sauce which Mr Nguyen kindly sends home with the disheveled Mrs every Tuesday. The wax on my surfboard has dried and flaked off and the gears on my triathlon bike have gone all rusty.

But folks, spare your tears and gestures of support as all is not lost.


I could not have gone through any of this without the undying knowledge that TD is there for me no matter what my circumstance.