my pet dog dying My pet dog dying I was very distraught over he...

my pet dog dying My pet dog dying I was very distraught over he as it turned out in the end had tumours in his body a type of cancer that spread--his kidney's went. Up untill around 3 weeks before he died I could not see anything wrong--he was his normal self--playful always happy wagging his tail (German Shepherd) (very friendly--good with children)
(not aggresive in any way)--anyway one day we walked down some steps--normally very agile he stumbled and fell over and injured his back. So I picked him up--put him on my bed (I had no money to see a vet at the time.) (same story now--with various things)--so then I put it in the back of my mind--thought to myself--"its nothing just stumbled for no reason" Anyway a couple of weeks went by--he started to reject his food and he was drinking a lot of water. I took him to the vet after seeing him conked out on my bed----I had no money to pay the vet--looking at him though I couldn't deny to myself there wasn't more wrong than just a few dietary problems. Hurriedly I put his leash on and we marched straight down to a vet close by--the vet just took a casual glance at him and said "he will die within one week"--I said no---what is wrong?
The vet said "his kidney's have gone"--I said "is there anything you can do"--"please"--the vet said "we can flush his system out--put him on a drip" We can do that for three days then after that I check for some things" "I said it is your opinion he will die?" The vet said "yes he will die" I said "is there a ten percent chance"--the vet repeated "he will die, one week at maximum" I felt so devastated--the vet wasn't even giving me one hope to live on. I said "put him on the drip immediately can you please and begin flushing his system out?" The vet did that I said goodbye to him walked back home--I had just split up with my ex and my pet dog was seeing me through the whole experience he was my best friend, confidante--went back in the morning--met a Reiki massage person who did dogs as well as humans--he started laying his hands on him--doing various curative things--three days went by----in that time I went down to various parks in the neighbourhood and just simply prayed he would survive.
Tests came back--the vet said "he will die"--"I kept begging"--"anything you can do please?" Vet said "I can open him up and do some exporatory things but if I don't like what I see I have to ask your permission then to put him down" "I said please operate and do all you can, "yes I'll give you that permission if you say there isn't a chance."
(I explained I couldn't pay him to proceeds from a property settlement came through but said I would as soon as it did--which I later did.) Over the three days I visited reguarly at all times during the day and played with him in a cage and also outside of it. The Reiki man tried to save him--put in many hours (did not charge me anything.)
On the day of the surgery--vet gave me a lead to take him for a walk--which was one of the most heartbreaking things--for I just knew that he wouldn't survive (I was just denying it to myself.)--he was his usual self off the drip--we wnet walking--it was if he was brand new--we talked--"we hugged--I whispered in his ears" "dad loves you"
He put his head on my shoulder kneeling in front of him--I stroked his head, we wnet back into the vets. He went back into the cage--I turned to walk out--I did that three times--each time I came back again--in the end--I ended up singing him a lullaby as yopu would a baby on the floor of the vets--with me sitting crosslegged--he noodded off to sleep. I turned I got up--walked away--sang out "I love you"--went back home--the vet said I will ring you later today--once we have examined him. (I might say on the internet level--software games are going on while this is happening--thats in the net world.)--I waited for the call--really dreaded picking the phone up. The vet said "his kidney's are shot--I need your permission to put him to sleep--we could sew him up--that would be cruel though for he would only live another day at most and then he would have to recover from the stitches and everything else." I said "Is there anything you can do please? please?--the vet said no--I need your permission to put him down. I said--okay then put him to sleep--I will be down in the morning to see you" I put the phone down and sobbed my eyes out. Still do to this day.---Steve.