when reach 62 cents, page-76

Bros, bros, weepy fo me, ah sur is de one sad puppydoggy.

Todays ah sees dat de Molpoo dun drop like de droppins from de contispitated fruity bat in de Kingston caves –berry berry depressionistic to de Holimagiman, dat be de fakt. Sos ah don go wif ma frien Alvin to de Royal stocks in de Montego Bay to do de daily busyness an try to be makin som money fo de daily bred.

Ah likin to mention here dat ah wan to say here dat Alvin am be ma good frien. But ah not goin to say no such ting becos den everybaddy start to get de funny idea in de head. An wy yo tink ah tink yo everybaddy goin to get de funny idea, ah askin yo, bro. Dis is becos ma frien Alvin (in whom ah canot says he be ma frien fo de reasoning ah is gonna tells yo) is de funny man. Him not de funny man in de senses of de fakt dat he makin de joks somtime dat is be funny and him not be de funny man in de senses of de fakt dat somtime de joks dat he be makin not dat funny.

De reason, bro, is dat Alvin don likin de girliebirdies. Dis is de fakt an ah don kno wy. Alvin be verry verry much de same as Adenoids ob de Grik mouthorganalogy, wich yo readdin about dat sail in de ship wif de Homer an de golan fleas long long time befor. Him one kool blek dude man, wif de slim hips an de rupy red lips dat is thick an rad like de sqashed vatermellon. An de eys….wot can ah says, de eys. If ah says him eys be de epony blek wif de dee meninkful look, dat burnin yo soul insid out, like de hot coal in de cole hans, den yo kno wat ah means. But Alvin funny man, him no lik de wommin.

An how ah fin out dis, yo askin. It nutting to be doing wif me, ah says to yo. Ah fin out dis sikret by de acciden wen ah go de ferst time wif de Alvin to de Royal Stocks Hotel in de Montego Bay to sell some Numba 2 to de Brittish torrists. An wy, yo askin me, am ah sellin de Numba 2 to de Brittish torrists an not de Numba 1. Becos bro, de brittish torrist am de silly buggers, all tinking dey is de kinks ob de Englan or sombting.

Sos dey aktin big to de black bros an ah takkin to dem wif de great respek an humbility an den ah sell dem de Numba 2 fo de Numba 1, wif de 10% sircharge plus de 5% tipping fee, so eberyting wok out happy all roun.

Now, dis Royal Stocks full ob de Englis torrists an soon ah finding dat some of dey be interet in de Numba 2, an som of dey be interest in Alvin an som of dey be interest in bof de Numba 2 an de Alvin. An all de Englis who interest in de Alvin be de blokes, an Alvin be de interest in de Englis, an yo Holymagiman putting de two an de two togadder an finding dat de answer is dat Alvin has de deep seated prablem dat needs to be fullyfilled. Sos now yo knos how ah knos Alvins prablem, all axcidental like.

Ah tells yo bros, ah done be makkin a hole lot ob de cash eberyday selling de Numba 2 to de Engglis, an de Skots an ob caus to de Irismen, whom drunk all de time anyway. De mon from de whales, dem albays statting to be sinking after dey smok de Numba 2 an makin de big noosances ob demself, sos ah no mo sellin to dem anymo.

Ah bin rumblin on an on becos dis stuff ah is havvin is de Numba 1 Suprem, tun de hed insid out. But ah hav to tell yo dis befo ah goes fo de day, dat Alvin telling me sumting dat gonna wam de coggles ob yo beattin harts. Alvin telling me dat if ah takkin de laddrs of Molpoo, dat is de ladder M, de ladder O, de ladder L, de ladder P and de too ladders O an putting bak togadder, den we get de new name MoPool an ah tell yos all, dere be no bettar ting den to be shootin de pool wif de Numba 1 an de kool rad Strip beer. Sos ah tinking, annyting wif de namein like de MoPool sures is de kool ting an gonna makkin ebberybody de lots ob de cashy moneys. Ah lookin to de days dat dis scare rechin de 62 centimes soon.

One ting ah no udderstan an mabbe sumbuddy gonna explin to me…ah knows Alvins give de heds lots an lots ob de time, but how de MoPools givin 600,000 heds at de one time wen de Kerrie Parker fello wif de nom-de plum ob de Tradinforprofitteroles bin de byin de udder day. Dis is mistery to de Holimagiman. Ah be goin now an yo be livin in de piss. Yo!