What do you expect from such simplecreatures? Your last name...

What do you expect from such simple
creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans
take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be
Prime Minister. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a
water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you
the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas
station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop
and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100. People
never stare at your chest when you're talking to them The occasional
well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister,
or mangle your feet. One mood-all the time. Phone conversations are over in
30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires
only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or
she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack. Three
pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in
public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your
face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe
decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys
all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one
pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how
your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom
of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for
25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.