Now, living in sunny Thailand has given me a few ideas on how our market works. You only have to go to the locals to see the ups and downs of our markets world-wide.
Now up here in sunny Chiangmai, we have a monster bear walking around the rice fields. This bear comes from America but calls this part of the world home. Early in the morning this bear comes out from his compound an runs around the rice fields scaring all the local kids...
Now this bear is Mr Doom and Gloom. He likes to put his bear suit on and at times, can be seen running around the local gold markets in Downtown Chiangmai and then resting with a well earned beer (or bear) or two. He likes lording it over the gold he has hoarded in the Zoomba Lounge.
Now in a different area of Chiangmai, well away from the quiet world of the Zoomba Lounge and a place that the nice locals very rarely visit, another story unfolds...
The Lady 'Q' is a luscious piece of equipment. She is 6ft tall, legs that go up like a Bull Market on steroids, has a very nice double top, before coming down to the fact, she can have a very deep voice at times... yet such is life and nothing is certain in Thailand...
Now, sitting at the bar this Saturday night, I noticed Lady Q was having a few neck and shoulder problems. I limped on over and I dumped myself on a stool next to her. That previous day, I was chased by that bear and tripped over on my stops on the way out of the rice field.
Lady Q gave me a hard look and softened. My manners at times are just like a pump and dump and she knows this from previous experience. Well, maybe just the dump part...
Looking into her eyes, her hair hanging down to her waist in a perfect wedge formation, I noticed that she had at least 3/4 of a pound of gold hanging around her neck.
I gave her my best smile, you know, the best foot forward approach.
'Lady Q , I see you are having some neck problems. Is there anything I can do for you?'
I was trying to be a gentleman and for me, that is a rarity. Lady Q was well out of my league since the latest pump and just to get a few words from him, oops, her, would be a surprise.
Looking gloriously back at me, she smiled and I noticed that her teeth had just been caped in solid gold and the silver from her braces glimmered in the lights from the candles burning near by.
'Oh, Mr Katok... I have been for the last three years gaining a extra bit of weight around my neck but recently, the pain gathering in my neck is getting much worse. I may need just to lose a bit of weight shortly, but the timing is important as my new boyfriend from Europe has told me he cannot come over, due to a few small problems he has got...'
I bought her a shot of golden Galeano and another beer for myself. She was in a talkative mood tonight and I was interested in her views of the moment.
'Oh, I see,' I replied.
Sipping my beer, I looked around and noticed a few other girls with the same neck complaint.
A lot of tension was in the air. The locals were smelling for the taint of bear and most were close to a door looking for a quick bail out.
'You see,' she said, taking the shot in one hit, 'that bear out in the rice fields has scared all us locals away and the crops coming in this year will be poor... very poor... you see then, no work then to collect the rice and our unemployment figures will just get higher. Worse still, some will have to live off credit they can ill afford'...
"People will then get sick an with no real health cover, well, you can imagine what will happen"
Sitting back, I watched her looking at her finger nails. Each nail was superbly sculptured an the diamonds that sparkled off them, reminded of much different times. Inscribed on the diamonds was a buffalo, but from the constant spat of nail bitting that seemed to have recently appeared, the Buffalo looked in pretty poor condition.
She sighed heavily and a look of dread came into her eyes...
'Some of the locals recently asked a bald-headed foreigner that was flying around near the Burmese border in a Helicopter, if he could come down and shoot the bear giving us problems'...
The pain become more obvious in her eyes and I heard a muscle in her neck crack...
She continued talking and I motioned for another drink for her...
'Problem is he told us he ran out of ammunition and has to head back to the base to get some more funding'... 'Told us it was a BIg Mother of a bear... not the biggest on record, but pretty damn big.... still he told us to keep this quiet'
She downed the shot with very little need of any further stimulation...
'Well', I asked in a husky voice, 'What do you think the cure for all this bear talk out on the rice fields is'....
Lady Q looked deep into my eyes and replied...
'A lot of pain Mr Katok.... a lot of pain'..... she touched my behind with a brush of her hand.
I got the message... then a far-a-way look came to her face... a look of wonder... a look of hope...
'Us locals need to look after ourselves .... I am sure we can take the bear out.... each to his own ...'
She flashed me a beautiful smile and stood.
Her neck cracked again...
In the distant night I heard the faint call of a Buffalo as he was herded off to the rice field to start his work for the day by his nervous owner...
It was very early Saturday morning.
Bear attacks on the Buffalo had become a pretty common occurrence... one had happened earlier tonight I was told.
Seemed to me at this moment of time, the locals had it right... a little fear with some hope hanging around your neck.
Lady Q slide silently into the night. She was gone like a wraith.
It was only then I was aware of what she was wearing.
A blood red dress with a hint of green on showing bra strap...
I downed my beer and headed home with a hint of hope...
(20min delay)