just a couple of true stories

  1. 2,092 Posts.

    This real good sort looked at my beer belly and sarcastically said, "Is that

    VB or Hahn?"

    I said, " There's a tap underneath, taste it".

    ***

    I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day

    a woman was born just by feeling their tits, "Really" she said.

    "Go on then...try"

    After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

    "Come on, what day was I born"?

    I said, "yesterday".

    ***

    I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

    She said, "If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut,

    you'd look alright."

    I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."

    ***

    I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table,

    I said to her, "Nice legs".

    The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so ".

    I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now".

    ***

    "Jesus loves you."

    A nice gesture in church.

    A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

    ***

    Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.

    The lifeguard shouted at me that loud I nearly fell in.
 
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