It would seem that no other business relies on the dramatical use of adjectives more than real estate sales. Here is a list of colorful descriptions to avoid:
Unusual location:- In the path of a projected motorway.
Local authority grants available:- About to be condemned.
Period residence:- Built in the last two years.
Select neighborhood:- Beside sewage works.
Compact:- Tiny.
Country gentleman's residence:- No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
Unusual features:- No roof.
Delightful rural location:- In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
Box room:- Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard box's, Folded.
A wealth of period features:-Yourself, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
Quite, secluded setting:- On site of proposed dormitory town.
Well situated:- In full view of the neighbors.
Within easy distance of:- Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local amenities.
Rare opportunity to buy:- No one else want's it.
For the gardening enthusiast:- Grounds like a jungle.
Extensively modernized:- Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
Unspoilt:- Planning permission granted for field next door.
Deceptive appearance:- It looks terrible.
Partial central heating:- The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
Easily maintained:- Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
Useful outbuildings:- No inside toilet.
Much sought after:- It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
By private treaty:- If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
Owner eager to sell:- If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
Subject to new instructions:- They have just discovered death watch beetle.
Sold: - Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.
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Gerard O'Donovan, Executive Director
Gerard O'Donovan
Executive Director
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